The Last Song - Страница 36

“I do work for my dad,” Will said.

“You know what I mean.”

“Like I told you, I didn’t think it mattered.” He stopped walking and turned to her. “Does it?”

She seemed to choose her words carefully. “It’s interesting and it helps explain a few things about you, but if I told you that my mom worked as a paralegal at a Wall Street law firm, would you feel any different about me?”

This, he knew, he could answer with complete honesty. “No. But it’s different.”

“Why?” she asked. “Because your family is rich? A statement like that only makes sense to someone who thinks that money is all that matters.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, what did you mean?” she challenged, then shook her head. “Look, let’s get one thing straight. I don’t care if your dad is the sultan of Brunei. You happened to be born into a privileged family. What you do with that truth is completely up to you. I’m here because I want to be with you. But if I didn’t, all the money in the world wouldn’t have changed my feelings about you.”

As she spoke, he watched her growing more animated. “Why do I get the feeling you’ve given that speech before?”

“Because I have said it before.” She stopped walking and turned to face him. “Come to New York, and you’ll understand why I’ve learned to say what I mean. In some clubs, all you meet are snobs, and they’re so into who their family is or how much their family makes… it bores me. I stand there, and all I want to say is, It’s great that others in your family have done something, but what have you done? But I don’t, because they don’t get it. They think they’re the chosen ones. It’s not even worth getting mad about, because the whole idea is so ridiculous. But if you think I invited you over because of who your family is-”

“I didn’t,” he said, cutting her off. “I never thought that for a second.”

In the darkness, he knew she was considering whether he was telling the truth or simply saying what she wanted to hear. Hoping to put an end to the discussion, he turned and motioned behind them, toward the workshop near the house.

“What’s that place?” he asked.

She didn’t answer right away, and he sensed she was still trying to decide whether she believed him.

“It came with the house,” she said at last. “My dad and Jonah are making a stained-glass window this summer.”

“Your dad makes stained-glass windows?”

“He does now.”

“Is that what he’s always done?”

“No,” she answered. “Like he told you at dinner, he used to teach piano.” She paused to brush something from her feet, then changed the subject. “What’s next for you? Are you going to keep working for your dad?”

He swallowed, resisting the temptation to kiss her again. “I will until the end of August. I’m going to Vanderbilt in the fall.”

From one of the houses up the beach drifted the faint strains of music; squinting into the distance, Will could see a group congregated on the back deck. The song was something from the eighties, though he couldn’t pinpoint it.

“That should be fun.”

“I guess.”

“You don’t sound very excited.”

Will took her hand and they began to stroll again. “It’s a great school, and the campus is beautiful,” he recited a little awkwardly.

She studied him. “But you don’t want to go there?”

Ronnie seemed to intuit his every feeling and thought, which was both disconcerting and a source of relief. At least he could tell her the truth.

“I wanted to go somewhere else, and I got accepted at a school that has this incredible environmental science program, but my mom really wanted me to go to Vanderbilt.” He could feel the sand sliding between his toes as he walked.

“Do you always do what your mom wants?”

“You don’t understand,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s a family tradition. My grandparents went there, my parents went there, my sister went there. My mom is on the board of trustees, and… she…”

He struggled to find the right words. Beside him, he could sense Ronnie watching him, but he couldn’t meet her gaze.

“I know that she can be kind of… distant when people meet her for the first time. But once you get to know her, she’s the truest person in the world. She would do anything-I mean anything-for me. But the last few years have been really hard for her.”

He stopped to pick out a seashell from the sand. After examining it, he sent it arcing toward the waves. “Do you remember when you asked about the bracelet?”

Ronnie nodded, waiting for him to go on.

“My sister and I wear the bracelets in honor of our little brother. His name was Mike, and he was a great little guy… the kind of kid who was happiest when he was with other people. He had this real infectious laugh, and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him when something funny happened.” He paused, looking over the water. “Anyway, four years ago, Scott and I had a basketball game and it was my mom’s turn to drive, so like always, Mike came along with us. It had been raining all day, and a lot of the roads were slick. I should have been paying more attention, but Scott and I started playing mercy in the backseat. You know that game? Where you try to bend each other’s wrists in the wrong direction until one of you gives in?”

He hesitated, trying to summon his strength for the rest of what he had to say.

“We were really trying to get each other-wiggling and kicking the back of the seat-and my mom kept telling us to stop, but we ignored her. In the end, I got Scott just where I wanted and I really gave it my all and I made him scream. My mom turned around to see what happened, and that was all it took. She lost control of the car. And…” He swallowed, feeling the words choke him. “Anyway, Mike didn’t make it. Hell, without Scott, my mom and I probably wouldn’t have made it either. We went through the guardrail and into the water. The thing is, Scott’s an amazing swimmer, grew up at the beach and all that-and he managed to pull the three of us out, even though he was only twelve at the time. But Mikey…” Will pinched the bridge of his nose. “Mikey died on impact. He hadn’t even finished his first year of kindergarten.”

Ronnie reached for his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too.” He blinked back the tears that still came when he thought of that day.

“You know it was an accident, right?”

“Yeah, I know. And my mom does, too. But even so, she blames herself for losing control of the car, just like I know there’s a part of her that blames me, too.” He shook his head. “Anyway, after that, she’s always felt the need to control things. Including me. I know she’s just trying to keep me safe, to keep bad things from happening, and I think part of me believes that, too. I mean, look what happened. My mom just completely lost it at the funeral, and I hated myself for doing that to her. I felt responsible. And I promised myself I would try to somehow make it up to her. Even though I knew that I couldn’t.”

As he spoke, he began to twist the macramé bracelet.

“What do the letters mean? IMTF?”

“In my thoughts forever. It was my sister’s idea, as a way to remember him. She told me about it right after the funeral, but I barely heard her. I mean, it was just so awful to be in the church that day. With my mom screaming and my little brother in the casket, and my dad and sister crying… I swore that I’d never go to another funeral.”

For once, Ronnie seemed at a loss for words. Will straightened up, knowing it was a lot to take in and wondering why he’d even told her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that.”

“It’s okay,” she said quickly, squeezing his hand. “I’m glad you did.”

“It’s not the perfect life you probably imagined, is it.”

“I never assumed your life was perfect.”

He said nothing, and Ronnie impulsively leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “I wish you didn’t have to go through all that.”

He drew a long breath and resumed walking down the beach. “Anyway, it was important to my mom that I go to Vanderbilt. So that’s where I’m going.”

“I’m sure you’ll have fun. I’ve heard it’s a great school.”

He laced his fingers through hers, thinking how soft they felt next to his callused skin. “Now it’s your turn. What don’t I know about you?”

“There’s nothing like what you just told me,” she said, shaking her head. “It doesn’t even compare.”

“It doesn’t have to be important. It just has to explain who you are.”

She glanced back at the house. “Well… I didn’t talk to my dad for three years. Actually, I started talking to him only a couple of days ago. After he and my mom separated, I was… angry with him. I honestly never wanted to see him again, and the last thing I wanted was to spend the summer down here.”

“How about now?” He noticed the moonlight shining in her eyes. “Are you glad you came?”

“Maybe,” she answered.

He laughed and gave her a playful nudge. “What were you like when you were a kid?”

“Boring,” she said. “All I did was play the piano.”

“I’d like to hear you play.”

“I don’t play anymore,” she said quickly, a stubborn edge to her voice.

“Ever?”

She shook her head, and though he knew there was more, she clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, he listened as she went on to describe her friends in New York and how she usually spent her weekends, smiling at her stories about Jonah. It felt so natural to spend time with her, so easy and true. He’d told her things he’d never discussed even with Ashley. He supposed he wanted her to know the real him, and somehow he trusted she’d know how to respond.